Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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