Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
