Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
