dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
are you so shy because you have an std?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
