aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His nipple licking is glorious
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