I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
