Girls should come with a carfax report
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
