I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
