Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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