My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
