I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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