I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
