There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
