how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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