Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
