we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
