how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
