Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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