I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
