The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
