i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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