In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
