Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.