I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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