I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.