My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...