He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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