Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.