I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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