as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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