i don't like sucking hair
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
