All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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