I just threw up on my dentist
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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