Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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