I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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