standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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