i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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