how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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