I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
