Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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