Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
