Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
