Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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