just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Life is so much better after having sex.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
