im about as happy as oj after his trial
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
