so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
