My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize