I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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