Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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