the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
