The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
