Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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