I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Bring me that man meat
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
