He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
