Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
