yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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