Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
