He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
