haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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