I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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