There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
