I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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