Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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