About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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