I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
