im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
