She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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