Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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