they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
