It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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