I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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