I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
