Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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