I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
