when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
