glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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