NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
