i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
