What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
