I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
