I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
