I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
